Chimpanzee

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Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!
This week STCKYF features the chimpanzee.

Native to sub-Saharan Africa, chimpanzees are mankind's (excluding scientists) closest genetic cousins. They are highly social animals who live in tight knit groups called communities. chimpanzees have the remarkable ability to create and uses tools. They use large sticks to dig into termite mounds and then smaller sticks to fish out the yummy termites. Chimps also use rocks, one as a hammer and the other as an anvil, to break open nuts. A 2007 study revealed chimps using spears. Chimpanzees in Senegal, the subjects of the study, sharpened sticks with their teeth that they then used to hunt. Well that's just great, they know how to make spears.

Chimpanzees are incredibly altruistic when it comes to other members of their community. They adopt orphans, share food, form coalitions, and cooperate in hunting. This kind of behavior strengthens the bonds of the community. On occasion, chimps have been observed showing altruism to non-community members by adopting orphans from other groups (insert "Awwww" HERE). The best documented display of altruism came in the form of inter species altruism a.k.a. feeding turtles. Yup, chimpanzees like to feed turtles... you heard it here first.

Chimpanzees are very territorial due to their close communities. Males often patrol the boarders of their territory and will aggressively confront any rival primate they come across. Chimps do not just kill other chimps; they literally tear each other apart. This was originally part of Jane Goodall's findings, but was kept out of her initial publication. She did not think it was good idea to connect human behavior to the chimps and then describe how violent they can be.

Each community is run by an alpha male, who is typically the largest and strongest. If the alpha male behaves tyrannically towards the betas of his community, they will revolt against him. Kill him. And then eat him. The beta males use rocks and sticks to beat the alpha to death. They will keep beating the body long after it is dead, too.

So what does all this have to do with humans? Well, as I previously pointed out, they have the ability to use tools to hunt and will use their tools to kill other chimps. Given the opportunity, they will do the same to you. Chimpanzees are more likely to attack humans if they are living in captivity than the wild. Wild chimps are cautious around humans because they don't know what the human is capable of. However, after living in captivity and getting to study the human, chimps realize that they can easily kill humans. Think about that for a second. They study us. How creepy is that?!

Don't let adorable baby chimpanzees fool you. They will grow up to be 130 lbs killers with 5x the strength of an adult man. If you happen to find yourself on the wrong end of a chimp's spear, I would suggest using a shotgun... unless they too have developed gunpowder in preparation for their Planet of the Apes style uprising...

Stay safe out there.

-- 

Charles R Mercer

Amatuer Jane Goodall

Bottlenose Dolphin

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Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!
This week STCKYF features the Bottlenose Dolphin.

Dolphins are so cute. They can swim fast, do tricks, and throw Sea World trainers in the air. We've all seen the stories on Shark Week where people claim to have been saved from the certain death of a shark's jaws by dolphins. Dolphins are incredibly social creatures and live in tight knit communities, which is part of the reason they act protectively towards humans. Adult males top the scales at 660 lbs and 13 feet nose to tail. Males live up to 40 years and females can live until 60. If you like dolphins, stop reading now. However, you shouldn't stop reading, because I worked hard on this. I'm just saying.

You know what else dolphins do when they aren't doing cute dolphin things? THEY RAPE. These horny mammals are not afraid to coerce female dolphins into making the beast with 6 fins. Groups of male dolphins commonly "corner" a single female so they can... well... you know... so they can grope for trout in a particular river if you know what I'm saying (and I say "corner" because it's the ocean and there aren't a lot of corners). These Harvey Weinsteins of the sea not only get away with it, but everyone still loves them. I mean be honest, before right now, you loved dolphins didn't you? Time to move on, my friend.

Luckily these malicious mammals keep their indiscretions within the species right? WRONG! They can, will, and have asserted themselves with people. When the mood strikes these aquatic Eric Schneidermans, there isn't much you can do. Face it, they're much bigger than you and are much better swimmers than you. You've got one option, you're going to have to fight it off (which isn't going to be easy but you should at least try). I'd suggest a diving knife, spear gun, or allying yourself with a Killer Whale, a known predator of Bottlenose Dolphins. 

The Bottlenose Dolphin is a heartless, sexual deviant. It'll go after whatever "prey" it sees with its dead black eyes. Males have been known to kill their own young so the female will be more willing to mate again. Now, to be fair, in the animal kingdom it is not uncommon for males to kill their young (for an example, give Lions a Google search). But to do so out of a need to dance below the crupper... that's messed up.

No, a Bottlenose Dolphin isn't going to kill you... but I bet you're wishing I told you that they would. The truth can be hard to hear, and just in time for #beachSzn too.

 
Stay safe out there. #MeToo

-- 
Charles R Mercer
Amateur Marine Biologist

Flamboyant Cuttlefish

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Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!
This week features the Flamboyant Cuttlefish.

Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish. These cephalopods  are tiny (about 3 in.), brightly colored and cute enough to, well, cuddle. EXCEPT DON'T DO THAT. the Cuttlefish is the third known cephalopod to have a toxin of any kind, and it packs a punch.

The muscle tissue of the Flamboyant Cuttlefish contains a powerful toxin. It is as lethal as the blue-ringed octopus, but that is a topic for another Friday. The toxin is rare which has created a problem for science nerds. Since it is rare, it is hard to study and so they do not fully understand it. This is very problematic when trying to create medicines to counter the toxin's effects. All I was able to find out about the Flamboyant Cuttlefish's toxin is that it is lethal. I'm not really sure how it gets you from point A (living) to point B (dead) but I think its more about the destination than the journey in this case.

"Hold up there, Chuck", you foolishly thought to yourself. "If its only toxic when digested, what's the big deal? People don't eat Cuttlefish." First of all, don't call me chuck. Second, yes, I can read your mind. And Third, OF COURSE people eat them. The Mediterranean loves to cook with Cuttlefish. The French love them too which is no surprise coming from a culture that eats snails. And those zany Asians love to dry them to create what I imagine to be Cuttlefish jerky. Like other toxic animals, if cooked properly, the Cuttlefish is safe to eat. But if you ask me, it ain't worth it.

Like the octopus, the Flamboyant Cuttlefish can change color. Normally they use this ability to camouflage themselves with their surroundings. But when a predator is near they change to a bright red. Changing from camouflage to a bright color in the presence of a predator seems counter intuitive. However, this is believed to be used as a signal to the predator that they are toxic and should not be eaten.

*COOL FACT ALERT*
Science has been working to integrate the biological color changing seen in the Cuttlefish with clothing. The "Smart Clothing" created by engineers at the University of Bristol uses dielectric elastomer actuators to mimic our dear friend, the Cuttlefish. Their goal is to create a new kind of camouflage for the military which sounds dope.

Stay safe out there.

-- 
Charles R Mercer
Amateur Oceanographer