This week STCKYF features the Cheetah.
It has been said that in a one on one fight, a human and a Cheetah would be a fairly even match. I'm here to tell you that this is utter bologna. Like the Wu Tang Clan, the Cheetah ain't nothin to [mess] with. Also like the Wu Tang Clan, the Cheetah will straight up kill you. Cheetah's use their unparalleled speed to chase down their prey and tackle it to the ground. Like all big cats, cheetahs bite the throat of their prey to suffocate it to death. It regularly takes down animals like the thomson's gazelle and Blesbok which has horns, what do you have? Probably not horns.
Known for being the fastest land animal in the world, Cheetah's can accelerate from 0-60 mph in just 3 seconds. That's the same 0-60 time as a Ferrari 458 Italia. Think your Mazda MX-5 is quick? A Cheetah is literally twice as fast. If you were to compare the power differences between the Ferrari and a Cheetah, the Ferrari has 562 horse power the cheetah doesn't even have 1, because its not a horse... its a cheetah. That's an incredible power difference that I am almost certain that no one else has made. That's the kind of content I find for you guys, you're welcome.
Unlike other cats, the Cheetah has semi-retractable claws. Why might that be? Science says that because the claws are always partially extended, they work like cleats. More traction means they can accelerate faster and turn sharper. And Science might be on to something with that. However I think the claws never fully retract so that the Cheetah is ready to strike at any time. Like a samurai who partially unsheathes his sword before striking, the Cheetah keeps its claws in the ready position. What's that? You keep your claws (read: finger nails) ready at all times too? Well that's... um... not as impressive. Moving on...
Think you can take on a Cheetah? We know that you're no match for a Cheetah on the Serengeti. In the open spaces the Cheetah can use its speed to take you down like an unsuspecting antelope. I did the math (and by "I" I mean I googled it so it's accuracy is questionable) and the impact force of a 160 lbs male Cheetah at full speed (70 mph) is 4500 lbs. That's more than enough to take you down. Even if the internet's math is wrong (which is doubtful because the internet never lies), the Cheetah is still taking you down without a doubt because no matter how strong you are, it is hitting you at 70 mph.
So lets try and even the odds by taking away the Cheetah's speed advantage by limiting the area of this mono e mono duel. How are we going to do that? Let's say, oh I don't know... how about a good ole fashioned cage match. Just you and a Cheetah. Guess what tough guy! You still lose. The Cheetah has razor sharp claws and a 475 psi bite force (and for my OG readers, that is not enough force to crush a bowling ball). Like a house cat playing with a mouse, the Cheetah will pin you to the ground in moments. If you mess with a cheetah, don't be surprised if you get got.
Stay safe out there.
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Charles R Mercer
Amateur Zoologist
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