Sidewinder

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Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!

This week STCKYF features the Sidewinder.

The Sidewinder is a beast that goes by many names. Nerds call it Crotalus Cerastes, other call it the horned rattlesnake, colloquially it is known as the sidewinder, and to its friends it goes by Richard. No matter what you call it, you should use its name with respect. No, wait, not respect. What's the word that's kinda like respect? Oh yeah. Fear. Use the name with fear, like you would with Voldemort or Ted Cruz (a.k.a. the Zodiac Killer). Each of its names refers to a different characteristic of the snake. Sidewinder is in reference to its method of locomotion that we will discuss momentarily. Horned rattlesnake refers to the raised scales behind its eyes that protect the eyes from sand. Crotalus Cerastes is Latin, a.k.a. devil-speak, because this snake is a killer. And I believe Richard is a family name. 

The Sidewinder is native to the southwestern United States and northwestern Mexico a.k.a. the desert. Now, being around all that sand can make getting around very tiring. Think back to your last beach vacation. Remember trying to walk through the deep sand with a chair in one hand and a cooler in the other? It's not an easy task, but we are not designed to negotiate such terrain. The Sidewinder moves in a way to maximize its body contact with the sand while also maximizing traction. A normal snake cannot slither up steep sand dunes because it cannot get enough traction on the loose sand. The Sidewinder can. In fact, the Sidewinder can move so efficiently over the shifting desert sands that it can reach speeds of 18 mph. (It is a difficult movement to fully describe so I have attached a video like for your viewing pleasure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3NbPUTD5qA).

Luckily, a snake with such a locomotive advantage in the desert doesn't have the most impressive venom. I mean, sure, it can still be fatal but come on... its no Cone Snail, am i right?!?! The venom causes pain , swelling, hemorrhagic bleb formation, coagulopathy and ecchymosis. I have consulted with our resident medial expert, Dr. Doogie Howser about what those last two big words mean. (and by "consulted" I mean he was almost in tears because STCKYF hasn't needed his help in quite some time, and I couldn't stand to see the little guy so upset). The Doctor has informed me that coagulopathy is the inability of the blood to coagulate. This means that the venom gets to freely travel around the body and do its worst. Ecchymosis, broadly speaking, is the escape of blood into tissues from a ruptured blood vessel. I'm not sure to what extent the venom causes ecchymosis and if it constitutes internal bleeding. Wikipedia Dr. Howser, did not go into that much detail about it. 

Dr. Howser told me the story of a man he once treated who was bitten by a Sidewinder on the first joint of his right index finder. Only one fang broke the skin (read: half dose of venom) and the victim reported that it felt like a pin prick. However, within 2.5 hours the victim's arm was swollen from shoulder to fingertip and it felt like his arm was "soaking in a bucket of boiling oil." Sheesh. The man lived and now lives in fear of the Sidewinder and boiling oil. Just remember that only one fang penetrated the skin and therefore only half of the venom was injected. Imagine what a full dose could do. (On second thought, try not to think about it.)

So what makes the Sidewinder especially terrifying? ROBOTIC SIDEWINDERS! Science has decided that it would really facilitate the machines rising up and enslaving us all if some of the aforementioned machines were terrifying snake robots. Who, you might ask, would want to help the robots in their inevitable uprising? GEORGIA TECH NERDS. I should've known. Frankly, I'm disgusted. Engineers are supposed to help us build a better world, not sell us out to the Russians robots. If you were planning on hiding out in the desert during the robotic wars, think again. Georgia Tech is helping to build robots that can't get stuck in sand because they use, and have improved, the Sidewinder's movements. Don't believe me? See for yourself:
https://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-robot-snake-sidewinder-sand-bioinspired-20141009-story.html

Georgia Tech nerds, if you're reading this (and I know you are), please don't help the robots destroy us all. They can't fill the void in your heart that is usually filled with human interaction. Go outside. Spend time with your family. AND JOIN THE MOVEMENT. The Species Extinction Counter-movement, or SEC. A movement so important to humanity that it just means more.

Stay safe out there. 

-- 

Charles R Mercer

Amateur Herpetologist

Blue-ringed Octopus

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Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!

This week STCKYF features the Blue-ringed Octopus.

WE'RE BACK BABY! After a lengthy leave of absence from these electronic pages, I have decided to revive STCKYF because YOU need me to. I've heard your many complaints and received your sad dejected letters. Your Fridays have been dull and without whimsy of any kind. Your heads have not been filled with random facts that may one day be useful in a game of trivia, if ever at all. And be honest, Phil. You missed me and my no good English. Well, be sad no more! I'm back. We're back. Let's do this.

Our return installment of STCKYF takes us back to the spiritual home of this blog, Australia. Well, actually the Australian ocean. Well, actually the Pacific and Indian oceans between Japan and Australia. Close Enough. Making its home in tide pools and coral reefs in the aforementioned oceans, the Blue-ringed Octopus is known as one of the most venomous marine animals in the world. The Blue-ringed octopus is aptly named for the blue and black rings that cover its body. Not a very creative name, but where does subtlety get you? When threatened, they become bright yellow in color and the blue rings begin to flash. This is done to deter predators while the octopus escapes. You may think that making yourself more noticeable would be a bad defense, but when you carry as potent of a toxin as the Blue-ringed Octopus, you want everyone to know who you are. 

The toxin carried by the Blue-ringed Octopus, tetrodotoxin, is the same toxin that makes Pufferfish and the California Newt, (previous STCKYF topics) both of which are creatures not to be trifled with. This 5-8 inch Octopus carries enough venom to kill 26 adult humans within minutes. How can it wreak so much havoc? Well, tetrodotoxin is 1,200 times more toxic than cyanide. The toxin is found in every organ and gland in its little body, including its heart (it's cold, black, evil heart). Mothers will even inject the toxin into their eggs so that the unhatched babies begin to produce their own toxin. The bite from a Blue-ringed Octopus is small and painless leaving the only indication for the victim that they have been bitten to be the respiratory paralysis that soon sets in. (Note: this means you can't breath). Once the paralysis sets in, without medical aid, you only have a few minutes left to live before you're pushing up the daisies. 

As of 2018, no anti-venom is available. But don't fret, there is still hope (because its 2019 now, so who knows!). The venom's main effect is muscular paralysis which includes important muscles like the diaphragm (used for breathing) and the heart (used for loving). CPR is an effective tool for keeping victims alive until they can be taken to the hospital where they can be hooked up to a ventilator while the toxin is removed. Just remember to do chest compressions to the tune of Staying Alive. What's that, Phil? You don't know the song? Ok, for all my millennial readers out there, try doing chest compressions to the tune of  Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers. Happy? Normally, I would just tell you to go by a Bee Gees album and learn the song, but LIVES ARE AT STAKE.

The Blue-ringed Octopus' reputation for death has gained it some notoriety. In the James Bond film Octopussy, the Blue-ringed Octopus is a symbol of the secret order of female bandits and smugglers. More recently, the Blue-ringed Octopus went #viral on TikTok in a video of a tourist picking one up (kids, do NOT try this at home).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAmTTCV7GyY

My advise is, as always, stay away from Australia.

Stay safe out there. 

-- 

Charles R Mercer

Amateur Writer