Giant Anteater

Do you still mail things though, well, the mail? You know you'll need some stamps for that. What's a stamp? You don't know cause your a millennial. That's why you need help from my friends at Stamps.com who will send stamps directly to your door when you sign up for a monthly subscription. Stamps.com, where you can ironically buy snail mail stamps on the Internet.

Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!
This week STCKYF features the Giant Anteater.

Never thought you'd read that animal's name on here, did you? To be honest, I was shocked to come across it while deciding on this weeks topic. But it caught my eye because, well, for starters who ever thought an Anteater could be dangerous. It also grabbed my attention because it's also known as the Ant Bear, which is 1000x cooler than Giant Anteater. So how giant is a Giant Anteater? They average about 6.5 feet in length and weigh about 90 lbs. Native to Central and South America, the Giant Anteater is a solitary creature that spends its days foraging for food.

Anteaters are not aggressive. All they want to do is hang around ant hills and termite mounts and get their snack on, And who can blame them? We all love a good snack every now and then. Plus anteaters are being health conscious because insects are packed with tons of protein and very little fat. However, if they are cornered, they come out swinging like Patrick Swayze in Road House. An anteater that feels threatened will rear up on its hind legs and swing wildly with their claws. This pose is known as the "anteater's hug" because it looks like it wants to hug you. It Doesn't. Their massive claws are 4 inches long and can do some real damage. One swipe of their razor sharp claws can leave huge gashes in whatever felt confident enough to tangle with a Giant Anteater.

So what does the Giant Anteater have to fight in the wild? Jaguars and pumas love to eat anteaters but are easily fought off if they don't kill the Giant Anteater before it can fight back. This is a showdown I would love to see. Giant Anteater vs. Jaguar. The fact that the jaguar wouldn't dominate the anteater makes me laugh just to think about it. What else do Giant Anteaters kill? You guessed it, people. There are many recorded instances of Giant Anteaters killing hunters in Brazil. After reading several of the reports I can tell you exactly what to do if you ever find yourself in the presence of a Giant Anteater while hunting. Shoot it, like, immediately. Lots of people don't do that because the Giant Anteater is classified as Vulnerable by the International Union for Conservation of nature. My guess is people don't shoot them out of fear of legal repercussions or maybe they just don't know how dangerous they are. But you definitely don't want to be the guy who was killed by an anteater, do you?

Stay safe out there.

-- 

Charles R Mercer

Amateur Zoologist

King Cobra

Remember when you had long flowing golden locks of hair? You had such sweet lettuce you got seriously worried during E Coli outbreaks. Now Look at you, balding like a broke boy. But it doesn't have to be that way. Visit Keeps.com to try their line of FDA approved products to help you keep your flow flowing. Use promo code STCKYF for 33% off your initial order!

Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!
This week STCKYF features the King Cobra.

Sorry Indiana Jones, we're doing another snake. But not just any snake. The king of snakes. King Cobras can grow up to 18 feet long and weigh as much as 20 lbs. If you were to look these snakes up on kids.nationalgeographic.com, it will inform you that the King Cobra is in fact lighter than a 500 lbs piano and shorter than a 37 ft long school bus. I'm not kidding. That's what it says. That's what we're teaching kids. I mean... just.... come on, man!

Anywho... A distinct feature of the King Cobra is its hood, and by "hood" I am not using a colloquial term to refer to the King Cobra's habitat. The cobra has elongated ribs that it can flare out which stretches out the skin, creating the hood. The hood is primarily used as a defensive technique to make itself look bigger. If its foe thinks that the snake is too big and scary to deal with, it will leave the snake alone. The cobra sometimes has markings on the back of its hood that looks like a smiley face. Paired with its angel of death capabilities, these marking reminds me of the "Have A Nice Day" sign on the back of the KKK members in Blazing Saddles. The King Cobra's hood is so iconic it inspired the now famous pose of defeat, the Surrender Cobra.

The King Cobra packs a powerful neurotoxin called haditoxin. a single bite delivers a large venom yield (7 ml) that quickly causes blurred vision, vertigo, paralysis, cardiovascular collapse, respiratory failure, comas. If left untreated, an adult human would be checking out the grass from underneath in as little as 30 minutes. The venom is so powerful it has been recorded to be capable of killing an elephant in a matter of hours. Antivenom is available and it works quite well, but you do not have a lot of time to get to the hospital.

The King Cobra is known for being the most charming member of the animal kingdom. Wait. Sorry, I meant most charmable member of the animal kingdom. Snake charming is a dying art in India (ha! get it?!). They used to be a staple at festivals in India, but thanks to animal rights activists, they are becoming scarcer. The snakes actually aren't dancing to the music played by the charmer's flute. In fact, the Cobra can't hear the music at all because snakes don't have ears. The Cobra becomes transfixed on the swaying pipe which it sees as a potential threat. So what appears to be a magical taming of a deadly predator is actually just a Cobra being a Cobra. Snake charming debunked!

So what should you do if you encounter a King Cobra in the wild? Well, according to the experts you should slowly remove a shirt or hat and toss it to the ground and back away. I promise I didn't make that up. Why should you do this? I'm so glad you asked because I have a theory. The King Cobra is kind of a fan of strippers. If you start taking off your shirt, the Cobra will think it's getting a free show! If it killed you, well, no free show means sad Cobra. That's why you have to do it slowly; to make the Cobra think it's real, like really sell it. And as you slowly back away the Cobra loves to watch you go. Sure, you might feel used and objectified, but you're alive.

Stay safe out there.
 

-- 
Charles R Mercer
Amateur Snake Charmer

Black Rhino

Have you been looking for a new best friend but find the thought of interacting with another human repulsive? Do you wish for something that is always super excited to see you and is like your personal hype man? Then visit my friends at PuppySpot.com! With a screened and vetted network of breeders, PuppySpot makes fetching a new best friend simple and enjoyable! Use promo code STCKYF for a free puppy!

Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!
This week STCKYF features the Black Rhino.

The black rhino is the closest thing in nature to real unicorns. The only difference being that the black rhino does not run across rainbows followed by a trail of glitter. No, these beasts of the Savannah move more lethargically and sans glitter. With no natural predators the black rhino strikes fear into the heart of all who fear it. Armed with a keratin horn, the same substance that makes up human hair and finger nails, the black rhino is always ready to throw down.

Unlike most terrestrial species, the black rhino does not have strong familial ties. The tie between mother and calf is strong, of course, otherwise life would be far more difficult for a calf. Adult rhinos form loose associations with other adults though they are typically thought to be solitary. They do not have specific territories that they defend, either. Instead black rhinos have a home range (about 40 square miles) that they wander at their leisure. One of the perks of being the baddest thing around, I guess. 

Male black rhinos are very aggressive and will charge anything they see as a threat. These threats are not always other animals or even people. Black rhinos have been observed charging trees and termite mounds. This is part of the reason why people think rhinos have such terrible eye sight. However, they have "relatively good" eyesight equivalent to that of a rabbit (hence the use of scare quotes). But when they do charge another animal, the results are fatal. Black rhinos have the highest rate of mortal combat in the animal kingdom. Half of all males and one third of all females die from combat related injuries.
Weighing in at 1700 - 3100 lbs, the black rhino could do plenty of harm even without its horn. Though due to an unfair distribution of bodily mounted weapons, the black rhino has not one, but two horns. Add their ability to run at speeds up to 35 mph, and you have what I would say is a tank. Do yourself a favor, and don't wind up on the business end of a black rhino. Or any end, for that matter.

Thought the black rhino is extremely dangerous, the likelihood you will ever encounter one dwindles every day. Black Rhinos are dying at more of an alarming rate that bees. Their numbers continue to drop as they are hunted by poachers who wish to harvest their horns or by people seeking to hunt "the most dangerous game". But don't worry, many charities are dedicated to helping the rhino's population numbers recover. I just hope that doesn't involve bringing them stateside...

Stay safe out there.
 


-- 
Charles R Mercer
Amateur Safari Enthusiast

Bulldog Ant

 Is your significant other mad at you again because of that thing you did that one time (or more than one time)? Want to make him/her feel better but don't feel like putting in much effort at all? Then visit my friends at 1-800-Flowers.com. They'll deliver beautiful flowers directly to your S/O and you'll be out of the dog house! (until you do that thing you did that one time again).

Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!
This week features the Bulldog Ant.

Yes. Ants. Because one of you left crumbs everywhere, and that's how you get ants! But these are not just any ants, oh no. These insect soldiers are YUGE! They grow up to 1.5 inches. 1.5 INCHES. ITS AN ANT. They have large mandibles and of course a singer loaded with venom in their abdomen. Oh yes, venom. Its a classic cocktail that causes anaphylactic shock in its prey and even in humans. And before you even ask, yes, these ants can kill you. Part of the injection is formic acid, which makes the sting intensely painful. So you don't want to run into an army of Bulldog Ants? Simple. Just follow rule number 1 of STCKYF and never EVER go to Australia.

The Bulldog Ant only lives for 8-10 weeks which is far more time than I would like to spend in Australia. If a male Bulldog Ant does not die from combat, being stepped on, or other ant things, they die after they mate with the queen. So at least they get to go out on a high note. After mating the queen flies off to build a new anthill. In some species of Bulldog Ant, the queen takes over the preexisting nest of another species of ant after killing its queen. She a savage for that.

Every member of the colony acts as an individual, which includes the queen. That is not to say that they cannot work as a team, they just don't have to which is extraordinary for ants. This is due to the fact that the Bulldog Ant can communicate through touch and smell rather than just pheromones. The queen even has to find her own food... which is nails if I had to guess. But when nails aren't available they have to settle for plants, fungi, seeds, and other insects. When hunting other insects the Bulldog Ant is smart. It will sneak up on its prey from behind, hold it down with its large mandibles and stab it with its stinger several times. Brutal.

And with all that killing ability, what do they do? Build empires? Conquer Poland? Nope. Grooming. The Bulldog Ant is seriously narcissistic. It loves to be good looking. Science has noted that they spend a large percentage of their time cleaning their antennae and legs. Though I can't really blame it. If you're really good at something, how will people know unless you look good doing it?

Science has been studying these guys for a very specific reason. They secrete a chemical that kills pollen. Science is hoping that this chemical might be able to be used to cure human diseases. As a known enemy of pollen, I could get behind a Bulldog Ant based cure. Just as long as they leave the ants themselves in Australia.

Stay safe out there. 
 

-- 
Charles R Mercer
Amateur Insectologist