Grey Wolf

Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Friday's!

This week STCKYF features the Grey Wolf.

The Grey Wolf is a pack animal which means it lives, hunts and kills as part of a group, typically 7-8 wolves. Now, because everything the wolf does is done as part of a group, we will be multiplying everything by 8 to account for the whole pack. Right about new you may be wondering, with all this "wolf pack" talk, if I am going to start making silly The Hangover references. I'll have you know that this is serious column and I would never stoop so low.

Interestingly enough, they live in nuclear families, so I'm sure they spend most of their time trying to keep up with the Joneses (probably). The grey wolf is an apex predator whose only real competition is from tigers (in Asia). I want us all to take a moment and think about that. Go ahead. picture it in your mind. I'll wait. Wolf pack vs tiger... to the death. I would pay sooooo much money to watch that show down. Like at least $100.. cash.

The Grey Wolf, which is the largest of it's wolf brethren, can grows to be around 100 pounds with a bite force of 1500 psi. Some of you may recall that a grizzly bear only needed 1160psi to crush a bowling ball, unfortunately a wolf's jaw isn't big enough for this feat, it sure is strong enough. Now if we do some maths... hold on... where did I leave my calculator... wait... found it.... 100 times... carry the 1.... Eureka! If you were to run into a pack of these killers you would be facing down 800 pounds of growling pack animal with a 12,000 psi bite force. That's a power to weight ratio that would make a grizzly bear cry.

Grey Wolves have complex social structures. Each pack contains a hierarchy with a mated pair (mom and dad) at the top, then their children, whose ranking is determined between 5-8 weeks of age while play fighting. Between packs there is also a hierarchy, the biggest and baddest at the top. Each pack is a tight knit group that doesn't take to kindly to strangers, other packs, or even a one man wolf pack (Like I wouldn't make a reference to The hangover, please). Each pack establishes its territory and defends it vigilantly.

What makes the Grey Wolf a perfect topic for STCKYF is the long history the wolf has with humans across the globe. The wolf symbolizes danger and destruction; the warrior and the devil in one. Native Americans would call upon the spirit of the wolf in certain ceremonies because the wolf was a symbol of power, a symbol of nature perfected. The wolf was respected by many cultures because of the danger they posed to humans. That Danger has not gone away.

Well that "perfection" of neature comes at a price. Wolves are killers. People Killers. Records of wolf attacks date back at least 800 years with thousands of recorded deaths. Wolves are extremely intelligent and use their smarts and your fear to their advantage. Usually wolf attacks are the result of people wandering into the pack's territory, though it can be predatory (Big dog's gotta eat, after all). If you aren't paying attention, they will sneak up on you and kill you with a quick bite to the throat. If you see/hear them coming and run, they will chase you, let you run until you're dead tired, and then they will kill you... and them you'll just be dead. As a group they will tackle you while one wolf bites your throat and another simultaneously bites your left pinky. It's an instinct that can still be found in dogs today.

Most victims are under the age of 18 and almost all of them are women. Wait, I'm sorry, I can't do this. Here we are, having a lovely chat about things that can kill us, and then these sexist pigs come along and ruin it. I mean it's 2018! Who does that anymore?! Only preying on women, it makes me sick... SICK I TELL YOU! Pretty soon you'll be hearing that grey wolves make males and females go to the bathroom behind separate trees and not behind the tree that they identify with. Completely unacceptable!

Long story short: If you run into a grey wolf pack you're pretty much screwed... especially if you happen to be a woman. Do yourselves a favor and try and make the wolf think you're a man.

Stay safe out there.

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Charles R Mercer

Amateur Zoologist