Grizzly Bear

Now, we've spent the majority of our time together looking at things that use venom to kill their prey, and you know what... venom is starting to get a little boring. What happened to the good old days when survival of the fittest meant the actual fittest and not some square who through evolution developed a chemical that can do all the heavy lifting (I'm looking at you Irukandji jellyfish). Let take a look at something that doesn't need venom to do its killing. Something that kills because it wants to. Something that kills because its the baddest thing around.

Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Friday's!

This week STCKYF features the Grizzly Bear.

Weighing in at 700 pounds, these four legged mountains are not something you should mess with. 700 pounds alone is scary, that 700 pounds making up a bear... even scarier. They have razor sharp claws, jaws scarier and more powerful than Max could ever hope for, and they don't care what gets in their way. Perks of being top dog (or bear) in the food chain. Science nerds say that a grizzly bear could crush a bowling ball in its jaws (1160 psi of force). This is just an estimation made by the science nerds, but I do know that people are much easier to crush than bowling balls. So does it really matter if they can or not? The mere possibility is enough to make sure you are never on the business end of their anti jaws of life.

Good thing we can just avoid them, right? WRONG! They live on every continent except for Antarctica. You get what I'm saying? They're everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Whatever you do... don't turn around. There is a chance (a technically very very very small chance) that one of them is behind you. Probably not, but there's always a chance...

Human-Bear interactions are usually caused by the bear associating people with food. If the bear is hungry and the people don't have food, these boy scouts of the forest make lemonade from lemons and just eat the people. How resourceful! Other attacks result from people sneaking up on a bear or getting too close to Mama bear when the cubs are around. I believe the latter, mothers are always protective of their young, but I don't buy the first one. Who sneaks up on a bear? As I already pointed out, they're massive and they're not exactly masters of disguise. You wouldn't sneak up on the Taliban would you? No. And like the Taliban, grizzly bears will kill you and feel nothing in their cold, black bear hearts.

Now, I have to mention that grizzly bears are "threatened" of "endangered" depending on the country. Even though their numbers are dwindling, that doesn't stop "problem bears" from becoming accustomed to people, get too close, and have to be put down by the Canadian Mounties. Do yourself a favor, stay away from these kings of the forest. If you don't, they will crush you like a bowling ball.

Stay safe out there.

 

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Charles R Mercer
Amateur Zoologist