Swallowtail Butterfly

Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Friday's!

This week STCKYF features the Swallowtail Butterfly.

That's right, STCKYFers, we're talking about killer butterflies. Be afraid, be very afraid. Native to Asia and (of course) Australia, this invasive pest has begin to spread around the world, making landfall in the Caribbean and Central America. They grow to anywhere between 3 and 4 inches, so, you know, butterfly size. Like the very hungry caterpillar, they hatch from eggs, eat as much as they can and then form a cocoon. Come to think of it... that's exactly like the very hungry caterpillar. I have a feeling someone is going to get sued for copyright infringement.

Anyway, once God (not science) has changed these curious creatures into butterflies, they go right back to eating. And eating. And eating. The Swallowtail Butterfly reproduces in large numbers up to 8 times every year. That kind of exponential growth paired with their voracious appetites means they need tons of food. Swallowtail Butterflies will swarm like locusts, devouring everything in sight. These biker gangs of the sky are famous for stripping citrus farms of all foliage.

When the plants have been eaten and Mikey the butterfly is still hungry (because Mikey is always hungry), they have to find a new food source. Sometimes that means people. On a small Malaysian island hundreds have been injured and 40 people have been killed by these winged monsters. They swarm like demons while they take little butterfly sized bites. And like piranhas, they kill. A truly gruesome way to go.

Are you ready for the #spooky part? This happens every 21 years. Like clock work. If I had to guess, based on their exponential population growth, I'm theorizing that these butterflies have population booms when the ecosystem has recovered from their last outbreak. This just so happens to be a 21 year cycle. Science nerds think this might have been caused by the Chernobyl incident but that is just silly. For starters, I checked the map that Miss South Carolina Teen Lauren Katlin gave me (she's a big supporter of the column) and Malaysia and Ukraine are nowhere near each other. I'm also not sure where those places are in reference to America and the Iraq because I couldn't find them. Second, we all know that Chernobyl is a government conspiracy created by leftist snowflakes who don't like the idea of nuclear power. There, I said it.

These Winged Jeffrey Dahmers are not messing around. They are capable of anything and will do anything they please (probably because they are literal demons). And when I say they can do absolutely anything, I mean it. Look, I'm not saying that the Swallowtail Butterfly is responsible for the Malaysian Airline plane that went missing... but I'm not not saying that either.

Stay safe out there.

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Charles R Mercer

Amateur Lepidopterologist