Sidewinder

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Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You Fridays!

This week STCKYF features the Sidewinder.

The Sidewinder is a beast that goes by many names. Nerds call it Crotalus Cerastes, other call it the horned rattlesnake, colloquially it is known as the sidewinder, and to its friends it goes by Richard. No matter what you call it, you should use its name with respect. No, wait, not respect. What's the word that's kinda like respect? Oh yeah. Fear. Use the name with fear, like you would with Voldemort or Ted Cruz (a.k.a. the Zodiac Killer). Each of its names refers to a different characteristic of the snake. Sidewinder is in reference to its method of locomotion that we will discuss momentarily. Horned rattlesnake refers to the raised scales behind its eyes that protect the eyes from sand. Crotalus Cerastes is Latin, a.k.a. devil-speak, because this snake is a killer. And I believe Richard is a family name. 

The Sidewinder is native to the southwestern United States and northwestern Mexico a.k.a. the desert. Now, being around all that sand can make getting around very tiring. Think back to your last beach vacation. Remember trying to walk through the deep sand with a chair in one hand and a cooler in the other? It's not an easy task, but we are not designed to negotiate such terrain. The Sidewinder moves in a way to maximize its body contact with the sand while also maximizing traction. A normal snake cannot slither up steep sand dunes because it cannot get enough traction on the loose sand. The Sidewinder can. In fact, the Sidewinder can move so efficiently over the shifting desert sands that it can reach speeds of 18 mph. (It is a difficult movement to fully describe so I have attached a video like for your viewing pleasure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3NbPUTD5qA).

Luckily, a snake with such a locomotive advantage in the desert doesn't have the most impressive venom. I mean, sure, it can still be fatal but come on... its no Cone Snail, am i right?!?! The venom causes pain , swelling, hemorrhagic bleb formation, coagulopathy and ecchymosis. I have consulted with our resident medial expert, Dr. Doogie Howser about what those last two big words mean. (and by "consulted" I mean he was almost in tears because STCKYF hasn't needed his help in quite some time, and I couldn't stand to see the little guy so upset). The Doctor has informed me that coagulopathy is the inability of the blood to coagulate. This means that the venom gets to freely travel around the body and do its worst. Ecchymosis, broadly speaking, is the escape of blood into tissues from a ruptured blood vessel. I'm not sure to what extent the venom causes ecchymosis and if it constitutes internal bleeding. Wikipedia Dr. Howser, did not go into that much detail about it. 

Dr. Howser told me the story of a man he once treated who was bitten by a Sidewinder on the first joint of his right index finder. Only one fang broke the skin (read: half dose of venom) and the victim reported that it felt like a pin prick. However, within 2.5 hours the victim's arm was swollen from shoulder to fingertip and it felt like his arm was "soaking in a bucket of boiling oil." Sheesh. The man lived and now lives in fear of the Sidewinder and boiling oil. Just remember that only one fang penetrated the skin and therefore only half of the venom was injected. Imagine what a full dose could do. (On second thought, try not to think about it.)

So what makes the Sidewinder especially terrifying? ROBOTIC SIDEWINDERS! Science has decided that it would really facilitate the machines rising up and enslaving us all if some of the aforementioned machines were terrifying snake robots. Who, you might ask, would want to help the robots in their inevitable uprising? GEORGIA TECH NERDS. I should've known. Frankly, I'm disgusted. Engineers are supposed to help us build a better world, not sell us out to the Russians robots. If you were planning on hiding out in the desert during the robotic wars, think again. Georgia Tech is helping to build robots that can't get stuck in sand because they use, and have improved, the Sidewinder's movements. Don't believe me? See for yourself:
https://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-robot-snake-sidewinder-sand-bioinspired-20141009-story.html

Georgia Tech nerds, if you're reading this (and I know you are), please don't help the robots destroy us all. They can't fill the void in your heart that is usually filled with human interaction. Go outside. Spend time with your family. AND JOIN THE MOVEMENT. The Species Extinction Counter-movement, or SEC. A movement so important to humanity that it just means more.

Stay safe out there. 

-- 

Charles R Mercer

Amateur Herpetologist