Welcome to the next installment of Shit That Can Kill You
Friday's!
This week STCKYF features the Inland Taipan.
The Inland Taipan, a.k.a. the western taipan, the small-scaled
snake, and the fierce snake. Lots of names for a cold blooded killer
(literally). The Inland Taipan lives in... Australia! The eternal home of
everything capable of killing (and the spiritual home of STCKYF). It grows
to approximately 6 feet in length and is brown in color during the winter
and brownish light-green in color during the summer. The color change allows
the snake to absorb more light in the colder months, an important asset for a
creature that cannot create its own body heat.
The first writing about the Inland Taipan was written by
Frederick McCoy in 1879. That's right STCKYFers, McCoy!!!!!!!! When he wasn't
busy wrangling snooch and swigging hootch (shouts to the 5:5 chill to pull
ratio) he was exploring the world, sowing his wild oats, and discovering deadly
species. Rumor has it, McCoy was once bit by the Inland Taipan and after
several days of agonizing pain, the snake died.
This S.O.B. is the most venomous snake in the world (which
is why it lives in Australia). An important clarification is that even though
it is the most venomous snake in the world, it is not the most deadly. When it
bites, it does not even inject the most venom into its prey (a title that I
believe belongs to the Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake, a previous STCKYF
topic). It is the most venomous because its venom is the most potent. The
inland taipan's venom has evolved to specifically kill mammals and is
potent enough that one bite can kill 100 fully grown men. Though it is a
natural born killer, the inland taipan is a very shy creature (probably because
it is afraid of running into McCoy). It would much rather run from a fight, but
if it must fight, you can bet your bacon its going to win.
So what makes the world's most venomous snake so deadly? Well,
their venom is a serious cocktail of literally everything. It has neurotoxins
(affects the nervous system), hemotoxins (affects the blood), myotoxins
(affects the muscles), nephrotoxins (affects the kidneys), haemorrhagins
(affects blood vessels), and hyaluronidase which increases the rate the human
body absorbs the venom. Once bitten, the victim will experience nausea,
vomiting, abdominal pain, diarrhea, collapse, convulsions, renal failure,
neurotoxicity, and rhabdomyolysis which is a condition where your muscles and
bones break down rapidly. Basically, the venom goes after pretty much your
entire body. All of these symptoms result in a fatality within 30-45
minutes. Not only is the inland taipan incredibly efficient at striking
and envenomating its victim, but its venom increases the body's absorption
rate.
"Charles! What can I do to avoid being murdered by the
inland taipan?!" Well, In America, making noise in the wilderness can be
your best bet to scare off potential threats. You know what I mean, like how we
all hit sticks together before we go to sleep on a camping trip to ward off
mountain lions. In Australia this practice is not always advisable. Making loud
noises and vibrations only make the taipan mad and more likely to strike. Like
an old man who just wants the neighborhood kids to stay off his lawn, the
taipan just wants to be left alone. It appreciates silence more than
librarians. They appreciate silence so much that running into one of these
guys in the wild is rare... though that could be because the people that run
into them are never seen again... I'm just sayin.
My advise, tread lightly and carry a big stick avoid Australia.
Stay safe out there.
--
Charles
R Mercer
Amateur Herpetologist
No comments:
Post a Comment